I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
