you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
