i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
