Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
