I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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