I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
