Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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