also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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