If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You dont lie about slip and slides
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
