Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize