I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
