He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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