Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
