I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
