My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
