My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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