I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
