You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
