Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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