I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
