We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Help me help you realize you are a moron
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
