we have officially lost it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
