I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
