Will you blow on my dice?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
