we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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