I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
