whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
