I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
