All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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