Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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