You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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