Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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