Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
