I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
