All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
