Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
