for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
