i don't like sucking hair
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
