I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
