Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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