Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
