pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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