i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just blew my weed a kiss
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
