are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
