the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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