ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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