I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just cropdusted the office
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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