Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
