I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
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