I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
