I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
