i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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