Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
