I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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