My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize