ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
