Going to get a "plan B"urrito
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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