I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
