Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
