Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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