When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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