You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
