no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
