farters have to be the big spoon...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
