he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize