Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
