You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
