Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
