I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Fuck appropriateness.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
