I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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