yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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