So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize