I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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