I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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