he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
