guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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