ugly people sure do ruin things
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
