Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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