Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
