it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
