um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize