In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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