I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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