I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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