Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
