Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize