Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
