I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
