Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
