Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
