Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
