my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
