my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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