I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
