she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
