That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
