Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize