my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
