Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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